In September 1985, 15-year-old Tamara Laroux decided to end her life by shooting herself, thinking that it would help her escape from her feelings of rejection, emotional anguish and despair.
However, what she did not expect was for her soul to end up in hell.
Laroux shares her story in her book entitled, Delivered. Here are excerpts of what she experienced (with emaphsis mine, in bold):
Desperation and hopelessness became my way of life, so on that autumn day in September of 1985, I was walking home from school and was consumed with internal sorrow. I finally decided to take action into my own hands…
Cautiously, I placed the gun on the left side of my chest and pointed it straight for my heart. Gently placing my finger on the trigger, and before I pulled it, the gun ignited her with a sudden discharge. Instantly, I felt the piercing burn of the bullet as it passed through my chest and immediately I felt the rushing of blood beginning to fill my lungs… My goal had been accomplished..
As I left my body, I began travelling faster than the speed of light and my entire being was plagued with the sensation of falling! I was no longer in control of my destiny and there was nothing I could do that would stop this horrid falling sensation.
Suddenly, an indescribable explosion of indescribable pain erupted on the inside of me. it was like someone took acid and poured it over the top of my head until it ran over every inch of my body! If that was not torturous enough, it seemed like a massive high pressured hose sprayed the acid to make sure it hit every molecule of my being. No human has ever come even close to experiencing this kind of pain; it was agony in its purest form! The terrifying burning sensation cannot be expressed in words and it was a pain so fierce that it has not earthly correlation.
I had entered ultimate darkness, a darkness to black that you couldn’t see an object if it were on the tip of your nose. There was absolutely no light.
My agonizing cry for forgiveness turned into a hideous, violent scream as I burned with an unquenchable acidic fire that is beyond expression. It was at that exact moment that I realized I was banished completely and eternally from the presence of the one true God!
I realized my soul had been transformed into a being of sin and death. I had actually become total sin and my eyes were opened to the fact that sin is a state of being, not just an act. I became everything that God the Father is not: I was the complete opposite of God’s character. I had nothing good within me and I turned into the opposite of love — a being of total fear.
Wrenching loneliness surrounded me as I looked across the fiery pit and saw hundreds upon hundreds of souls (too many to count) just like me and all were screaming in agony. Each one was a formless being begging for another chance, yet NEVER to receive one. Although we were right next to each other, we were forbidden to communicate. We were together, yet we were in total isolation from one another…
As I looked into the eyes of each one, I viewed their entire soul. There was one person who was looking back at me, and it was understood that we had lived our life in blindness to the fact that Jesus Christ was and is the true living God and there shall be no other gods before Him. Nothing in anyone’s heart should take His rightful place. We knew we were in this place because we were foolish and chose not to hear and do what was right according to God’s word. We had made this choice out of deceit, yet the effect of our ignorance was eternal, never to end.
There were no secrets; everyone knew everything there was to know about me and I knew everything about them. I looked upon this one particular individual and I knew everything – not one sin or action was hidden. I knew the family lineage, background, everything this person had ever done wrong, every sin which was committed and all the sorrow which was experienced. There was nothing hidden about anyone’s life in this place and every secret was revealed…
It was mutual among every person there that they wanted no one else to enter each torment. They would look out with pure sorrow and beg for the people on earth to understand and seek truth in order not to join them.
I saw many different chambers; however, my movement was restricted as I tried to turn and look to see the details. Behind me was an indescribable creature with dragon-like heads upon his body, and he stood more fierce than anything the earth has ever seen. I was only allowed to see a glimpse of him and for that I am grateful – no eyes have ever seen such a terrifying sight. Although I could scarcely see him, I could feel his presence which was made up of intense and violent fear. There was no much more I wasn’t allowed to look upon. No words in the human vocabulary could possibly describe this place I was in, the place the Bible describes as Hell.
I now had become nothing but a formless, tormented soul who consisted of everything as hideous as you can imagine. Loneliness was no longer in me, it was me. Hurt, bitterness, anger, murder, lies, complete shame and guilt was all a part of who I had become. Fear and everything else that is evil pervaded me…
For the full story, please obtain a copy of Laroux’s book, Delivered.
Importantly, if you might be contemplating suicide, I plead with you to please, please reconsider your decision, as suicide does not guarantee escape from sadness or pain, but instead, could worsen it. Seek the Lord Jesus Christ instead — He can surely help you!